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Beyond the moor
My writings
Another Spring Update 
11th-May-2014 10:01 pm
general
 Another Spring Update:
 
- the ice storms we had this past winter felled two of our mature cedars. T_T We have lost a big chunk of the privacy in our yard (and unfortunately, a pair of nestlings who came down with the tree when it fell). Hubby was there when it happened and was heartbroken. Good man that he is, he tried to save the surviving bird by making it a new origami next and putting it back into one of the surviving trees, around the same height; the mother robin wasn't able to save it. A part of nature, but still, it was sad.
 
- in positive news, we hope to open the pool soon—preferably before next weekend (a long weekend here in Canada). Again on our own (instead of asking a company to do it), since it will save us $500. Which we could really use these days. ^_^;
 
- no new job yet, but I still look every day. I have taken up with Pampered Chef in the meantime in order to improve my small-talk skills. I am terrible when I am put in a room with people I don't know *really well*. But I'm working on it! And it has been fun to reconnect with some old friends. ^_^b 
 
- my kids are my life. XD  And they make it a great one. I took my son to a fair yesterday (and we built a catapult together!), and today I took my daughter to Toronto to learn simple (computer) coding through Processing (an open source processing program) with different generative art examples. She had a great time! We are also out to karate and t-ball, often multiple times weekly for each. I live with my dayplanner attached to my left hand these days.
 
- writing. I want to write. So much. Between the kids, volunteering, the job search, and PC, though, along with regular housewifely duties, and my husband's broken knee, I don't get much time to myself. I miss the Studio so very much. I feel so rusty, grr! Especially when I have wonderful people cheering me on and supporting me; I feel terrible I can't put more time towards it. As it is, I've had to give up exercising in order to get enough sleep. XD
 
- my husband & kids went out of their way for Mother's Day. :) It was so cute. I am so very, very fortunate to have them. :D  No, things aren't perfect; but we try hard and we recognize each other's efforts more, now, and I think that's a very important thing to note. I've found recognizing another person's contribution around here goes a long way to that person feeling valued and appreciated. : )  We're trying to instil that 'attitude of gratitude' in our kids. 
 
- my plans for the summer: go home (the coast). I think I mentioned this in my last post, but I truly mean it. I need to reconnect with home again. It is a physical ache, this homesickness. I miss my family. I miss my friends. I really miss my parents most of all.
 
- I am making an effort to go out with my friends to socialize more. This may seem silly to some, but I really am a borderline recluse when left to my own devices. I like it that way; but I know it isn't mentally/emotionally healthy to be like this all the time (and a number of my really good friends have reminded me that other people miss *me*, too). This means picking up a phone. Going to visit. Going out to coffee. Reaching out by e-mail. Not passively reading and 'liking' or commenting on FB posts. Reaching out. It is amazing how scary and intimidating this has become to me, and I realize now just how much what happened to me at my previous jobs has affected my socialization. I have become afraid of being around people, in a way, because I do not trust them not to hurt me. Even close friends. When I figured this out I realized this was completely unacceptable. It is terrifying getting in my car sometimes to go meet my friends; but I make myself do it. (I might be bordering on an anxiety attack at times, but hey, what's life without its challenges?) But I don't want to be afraid of simply going out; I don't want to feel ashamed of myself; I really, really (and this is my spiteful side talking) don't want the mofo bosses I've had to still have that kind of effect on me, even months after I left that godforsaken company I used to work for. So while it is hard, I am making myself get out of the house. ^^; PC is helping me with that, in that it forces me to put on my  'show' face and just get out there. I'll be 'me' again, someday. It's just a rocky road getting there, some days. It'll smooth out. (And as Paolo Coelho [sp?] said, "Straight roads do not make skilful drivers." Obviously, I'm on my way to being a frickin' social rockstar.)
 
- I want to make plans again. When I started looking at the summer and decided I really did want things to work out so I could go visit my family, it made me realize how long it has been since I made proper plans. (Birthday plans turned into a suck-awful affair, btw, which we won't go into). I want plans. I want goals. I want to *meet* those goals for my plans and feel productive and accomplished again. I miss that.
 
- I have loved helping out some of my friends recently. Whether it was being a sounding board for a story idea, sending concrit, or stopping in to help with their kids or their business, even for just a few minutes, it is nice to be able to help others. I try to carve out a bit of time each week to help whomever I can. It might not be much (to some), but sometimes it means the world. I wish I could lighten the load for more of my friends. I am still trying to figure out how, for some. I am not tooting my own horn; I am writing this for myself to remind myself that while I sometimes feel like I don't 'do much', I probably do more than I realize and  need to take ownership of the pride I should feel for this. I am too used to sitting quietly at the back with my shoulders hunched hoping no one notices me and that I don't bother anyone else. I need to start making myself feel 'okay' for being happy to help others, instead of guilty I can't do more. ^^;  (Have I mentioned how awful it is to have social anxiety? It is a battle against an enemy who has outposts in one's head, as they say. You're your own worst enemy.) 
 
- no racing my little Civic yet this year; I hope to make time for that later on. I have some track time booked for October, when I return from the coast, but for now it isn't in the cards (until I have a job again). ^_^; Motorsports. The ultimate pay-to-play. 
 
- I am trying to read printed fiction again (as opposed to living on fanfic; which, while awesome, does often lack the standards of printed fiction) to bring my editing skills back up to par. XD Those have really suffered over the past two years. Time to break out the red Sharpie and get cracking on those WIPs! ("Merits", "FFII", "Competition", "MMII", I'm looking at you.) Argh. >_< Need to carve some time out this summer to work on everything. And finish up the coding on the author's site I made on WordPress. And fill out "Isra" more, following the concrit I received. And get that special tax number I need to publish online through Kobo / Amazon. 
 
One of these days. It'll come together. :) 
 
For now, I'll just sling my folding camping chair over my shoulder and head back out to the t-ball fields with my kids. ^_^b
 
Happy Mother's Day to all, and have a great week!
 
PS: No, I did not edit this post. You get it raw. Enjoy.
Comments 
25th-Nov-2014 01:05 pm (UTC)
Hey! *waves*

It has been quite a while since I last spoke to you, and I really am sorry for not keeping in touch more. I guess I could always say that life caught up to me -- and it really did, this year, what with the surgeries and my pain in the ass previous job -- but I really should have kept in touch better.

I think its good to have goals, but its also important to have short term goals. The long term goals should not be that well thought out but still concrete, because things may not work out that way.

For example, before I submitted my resignation this year, I had little idea what I wanted to do with my life. Of course, there are two options: either continue looking for a new job or go for further studies. Then someone I met through work influenced and encouraged me to work on my higher degree, citing that my work experience till date was absolutely perfect for going towards a more work-oriented business degree. And upon thinking it through and discussing it with my family, it seemed like a very good option. So I am applying for admission to colleges here and appearing for all the entrance examinations, and crossing my fingers and hoping that I shall strike luck here.

I hope you are doing well, and so is your family. I am sending you the Christmas card this time again and I hope that your address has remained unchanged. (Judging by your posts it hasn't).

Take care of yourself, and lots of love from my end. Miss your posts here a lot!
26th-Nov-2014 03:48 am (UTC)
0_0 OMG woman, you've been through the ringer this year!

I am happy to hear you've left your old position at work. You were terribly unhappy, and it sounds like you're getting more support (from your family) to study again. I've been reading through your LJ posts from the last few months (sorry, I'm not on LJ much these days), and it seems like your family kind of fluttered a bit, but then came through for you and supported your decision to go back for more education. I'm so happy for you! Do you have any of your exam results back yet? Have you decided where you'd like to study? You said your mum wanted you to stay within the city. Are there more opportunities, there? :)

Also, SURGERIES?! (I see you mention them here in the comments, but I haven't caught up that far in your posts) Have you fully recovered? (Outside the steroid-related weight gain.) What happened? Was this an issue that you'd already been dealing with? Stress? Oh darling, I'm so sorry I didn't know! *HUGS*

The family here are doing well. :) We have adjusted now to me being back at work, mostly. Luckily I was offered a job that is part-time, so I drop the kids off at school around 9am, get to work around 9:30am, work until 2:30pm, and then collect my kids from school again around 3:30pm. It is fantastic, and we've made leaps and bounds helping my youngest child, my son, improve his reading skills now that I'm home to spend more time with him. I also really enjoy my new job, and I work Monday-Thursday, with no work on Fridays. I volunteer often on my Fridays, now, or get things done around the house. It is wonderful~! :D

I'll make a proper post about how things are going with me to my LJ, but please let me know how you're doing now! (Outside of making delicious-sounding food... because your posts make my mouth water, hahahah!)

*HUGS* I've missed you, hon. :)

Fill me in, and I'll try and catch up on more of your posts this week. :)
26th-Nov-2014 05:47 am (UTC)
Haha yeah, its been one to remember. The first year as an adult, independent, gainfully employed person. We all have such expectations when we start working, though the expectations are more from ourselves than from anyone else.

My family is kind of weird actually. My sister is as judgemental as she is supportive. She has quite literally raised me and I respect and accept her advice immensely. But sometimes, it feels like she doesn't understand what I want. Its all about communication as you keep on saying, you need to communicate to put things in perspective. My father is my pillar of strength. He advises me but always always supports me in my decisions. My mother is a different story altogether and I shall not go into that. :P

Okay, surgeries may be pushing it, but one. Singular yes, surgery. You actually commented on that post. I made it sometime in April. I think if you read through my posts you can guess at what point I was immensely frustrated with how things were going on and at what point I was happy and not tensed. It was a skin grafting surgery and was minimally invasive. The area which was operated on is much healed now and hopefully give or take a few more months it is going to be completely and fully healed.

No, I just gave one exam last Saturday and it went surprisingly well. I was very tensed about it. There are two more next month and then one in January. The results should be out a month or so after the exam date. Yes, I have made a list of the colleges I want to get into and some safe schools, which have got a good academic and placement record. I am hoping for the best here. :)

That is really really good that you're working again. Part-time, as you said, allows you to do the things you like besides work, spend time with your kids and look after yourself. Which is rather excellent. What is the work like mainly? And three days off? That sounds so wonderful!

Hahaha, I like to make cakes and desserts mainly when I want to relax because EVERYBODY and I mean absolutely everybody in my family likes sweet dishes. Including my diabetic mother. She doesn't eat much of the sweet stuff but always tastes it and loves it, and they always encourage me to do experiment with new things, so that's a wonderful thing.

For example, a couple of months back, I made eggless Tiramisu without using mascarpone. First off, mascarpone isn't readily available here, and second, the 47% fat content gave me a heart pang. 47%! I have aging parents who, thank the heavens, don't suffer from any ailments whatsoever and I would like to keep it that way. Let me tell you, making tiramisu from scratch is bloody hard. Its too time consuming, but it tasted absolutely amazing. When I can enlist the help of another family member, I would like to make it again. :D Till then, not. :P

P.S. This is an even bigger comment than my normal posts, haha.
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